Is It Worth It?

 

By Luke Cleghorn

Is It Worth It?

This is a question all of us who work in EMS and Fire/Rescue have asked ourselves at one point if we are honest. Is a career in emergency response truly worth it? What about the nightmares? The memories that appear whenever I close my eyes? Will I ever be able to sleep without fear of what I will dream about? A night of needed sleep can change into a montage of all the things I wish I could forget but know I will never be able to: The anguished look on the face of a mother as she puts the lifeless body of her baby girl into my arms, fully expecting I will be able to make everything better. The sense of failure when we are unable to get the child back after working the code for a full hour. The chilling scream of that mother when the ER Doc tells her that she will never be able to hold her baby again; never see her graduate high school or walk down the aisle: a life cut short almost before it began. What about the elderly patient that died the other morning, her husband of over 60 years holding her hand and silently weeping as her heart ceased beating, or what about the young man that believed life was not worth living and sprayed his brains on the garage wall, and the look on the face his mother who found him? Is it worth it? Is it worth it to never be able to drive down the road without memories of mangled bodies and vehicles intruding on me? Is it worth it to wake in the middle of the night and rush to an accident to find a truck travelling over 100 MPH has struck a tree and killed the occupants? Is it worth it to never be able to forget the smell of the talc powder from the airbags, mixed with the metallic tang of blood and the overpowering smell of alcohol coming from the pools of congealing blood? Is it worth it to be called away from a Thanksgiving dinner? Twice? To see the faces of family members as you perform CPR on their mother, wife and sister who laid down for a nap after a good meal and never woke up? Is it worth it to be filled with anger and hate at the midwife whose lies and incompetence caused a family to lose their child, and almost lose their mother? Is it worth it to never forget the blank stare on the face of a 5 year-old who just saw his father crushed to death? Is it worth it to be spit and urinated on and have my family and friends cursed by the ungrateful patient who fails to realize that it is my sworn and sacred duty to help them in their hour of greatest need? Is it worth it to decide I have to resign a side job because the manager demanded I leave an injured customer lying on the ground? Is it worth it to feel devastated whenever a brother or sister Firefighter, EMT or Paramedic Is killed? Is it worth it to always wonder if my patient would have lived had I simply noticed a symptom a minute earlier, or if I had started an intervention a few seconds earlier? Worst of all, is it worth it to no longer feel sadness at the death and sorrow I see, but just feel numb?

When this is all I look at, I must come to the conclusion that this career is not worth what it has done to me.

But what about the good side? Does it balance out the sorrow and evil I am confronted with? What about The kind note from a patient I had forgotten about, the look of relief and joy on the face of a husband and father when I tell him his wife and newborn baby will be alright? What about the great conversations and wise life advice received from an elderly patient on a simple inter-facility transport? Is it worth it when you unexpectedly meet a former patient and don’t recognize them because the traumatic injuries from the first and only time you saw them have healed… But they recognize you and give you a huge hug and excitedly tell everyone around how you helped bring them back from the brink of death? Is it worth it when you find you have won the respect of those you work with? Is it worth it when you know that those you work with would die for you without a second thought, and that you would do the same for them? Is it worth it when I realize that I have life-experience and confidence far beyond my years? As Mark Bezos said, “Not every day gives us the opportunity to save a life, but every day gives us the chance to change someone’s life.” Is it worth it if I must pay the ultimate price in the line of duty? As the Gospel of John tells us, “Greater love has no man than this: that a man lays down his life for his friends.” We cannot heal this world; that is a work reserved for God Almighty. As the book of Revelation tells us, “He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away”. It is only after we accept these truths and realize that we cannot rid the world of evil, merely help to mitigate the impact it has, that we can become more effective providers, and realize that

Yes!

It is worth it!